check list

Bernard Johnson (
Sat, 29 May 1999 10:02:47 -0700

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West Wight Potter Website at URL
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Dammit, I sure need one! Set off to go sailing yesterday. Loving wife
with me. Wife has strong doubts about my competence. Going to reassure
her that all is not incompetent... Boat ready in record time. A
bit windy so rig boat with main already reefed to be on safe side.
Launch boat perfectly, don't even get feet wet. Stellar performance!!!
Swing bow around with a flourish and walk boat out to end dock cleat.
Tie up. Take trailer to parking area. Even remembered a pencil so could
fill out payment history, sexual preferences, mother's
maiden name, kind of boat, destination, what had for dinner previous
night...mustn't keep the state of Calif. in the dark..... One last pee
and then a jaunty walk with now admiring wife to cute little boat
bobbing invitingly at end of dock. Ah! For once NOTHING has gone wrong!
I pause for a moment at the end of the ramp and and burst into song, an
inspiring rendition of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy". All the other boaters
trying hard to hide their envy of my efficiency in launching my boat and
my wonderful voice. Get to boat. A perfect moment. Everything OK? Sure
is! (Must remember to to put keel down, put rudder down, start motor in
neutral, untie boat before leaving....Yes, yes, yes...). What's that
trickling sound? Water sloshing around under dock? Noooo... Boat looks a
bit low in water... Better check tightness of bilge plug (had not been
tightened on last sail and taken on about half gallon of water...). Lean
over transom, check tightness of plug. Small problem. Plug not even
there. Boat still filling with water. Me back to being incompetent.
Prospect of lunch at waterside restaurant vanishes. Loving wife
disappears, replaced by very disappointed hungry female companion
wondering what possessed her to go out with this jerk.

Like I said, I need a check list.........

Bernie Johnson.